Depression explained? My story.

The main reason for me making a blog is to 'self help' a terrible, horrific illness Depression I want to help people understand when there loved ones are suffering or even to help people relate and know they are not alone in the darkest point in there life like I feel now.

So I was diagnosed with post natal depression in 2010 six months after having my first child. Clueless as to what this really meant I googled the word and it finally started to add up what was actually going on in my mind pictures, symptoms, quotes everything about how I was feeling was being explained all on the web but from someone else's eyes. But I thought I was alone? was the first question that popped into my head. Because that's exactly how you feel dark alone and cold in your own thoughts. So I was diagnosed and put on tablets. And luckily found out my trigger, moving to new home by myself just me and my daughter quiet empty cold house no one to talk to lonely evenings when my daughter was in bed.  I told a few people 'friends' who were close to me but they found it funny they called them happy pills. Confused.

Six months after I had supposedly 'got better' but did I? I stopped taking my tablets as I thought I was fine and that everything was okay now.
I found love again and he took on my daughter as his own shared the bills. I wasn't so lonely 2 years later we decided to have another child everything was perfect I was happy again.
But it weren't.

Now in April 2014 I have been diagnosed with depression again and I feel worse than ever. I had a mental breakdown and found that was my cry for help. Had I still been suffering all this time?
A dark cold lonely horrible place that is completely indescribable. How can you describe what your feeling what you don't even know what is going on inside your own head. People ask if your okay and you just say I'm fine because they just have no clue and you put on that masked smile.
You push people away because you don't think they will ever understand you just want to be by yourself with your own thoughts even though you know deep down you need them, just there. Simple things like doing the school run and going to work seem difficult you cant face the world because yet again you feel as if you have been defeated by this illness, people might ask questions. You feel like a failure, you've failed your kids. Your house is a mess, you mind is a mess and you cant see yourself getting through it.
People try to help but you don't want to be a burden.
Your selfish to your own thoughts.


I'm not an expert or anything I'm just writing from the heart or should I say mind..

If you feel depressed please seek help don't wait or try to ignore it, it will make it worse trust me denial is not the answer.

New blogger!

Hello and I am a new clueless blogger have no idea what I am doing! I've decided to write blogs as a 'self help therapy' a bit of open space to write about my life and share it anonymously with the wide world web. 
Because what better way than to write stuff down- or so I have been told.

I'm a 'young' mum blessed with 2 children a beautiful girl and a handsome little boy, but with a lot of of troubles and obstacles challenging me.

I will be writing about @depression in parents, struggles of a @young mum and many other topics 

Louroomummy x